First of all, let's talk about that sick toilet paper pic. God bless unsplash for the coronavirus realness. Anyhoo...
Over the last week and a half, coronavirus has really upped its ante. Yesterday JT aka Prime Minister Justin Trudeau closed Canadian borders to foreigners, last week WHO declared COVID-19 a pandemic, and Italy has self-quarantined the entire country. It's a hot mess of a world we live in right now. Here's a few things I've realized thus far.
I mean, the world was still mourning the loss of Kobe and Gigi, on the verge WW3: Trump vs. Iran, and then BOOM: new pandemic who dis? Seems like there was no protocol or process for carefully rolling out communication about pandemics, or even what the medical response would be. Surely the G7 meetings were "lit" tryna figure out what tf to do. Meanwhile the people are buying up toilet paper in bulk. I'm sorry, toilet paper? Da fuq is toilet paper going to do for you in self-quarantine? You're at home, just wash your ass. There are plenty of other essentials I'd put ahead of toilet paper.
Honestly, between drive-by voting, Donnie T firing the whole pandemic response squad, the Democratic Debate between Biden and Bernie (the old married couple), and the everyday goings on of the trump administration in general, American news is more wild than it has ever been. Some of you may be thinking "well, you're probably just watching CNN" - and you're right, CNN is hilarious. However, due to the fact that I will not pay for TV anymore (fuck you Telus), I stream all TV - it's awesome. And in my streaming travels, local American news comes on and it is still funny as shit.
The healthcare professionals reminding people to wash their hands must be rolling their mf eyeballs everyday. No shit sherlock. 2 Happy Birthdays? Are you serious? How aren't people careful of germs? I don't need coronavirus to teach me. My momma taught me and the MTA taught me. When I was 17, I visited my sister in New York for the first time. I decided to go to Coney Island by myself (loser), so I rode the F train to the end of the line and a man was jerking off on the seats across from me - staring into my eyes. He used the pole to get up afterward and try to follow me to another car. Don't touch shit on public transit? No mf problem. Best believe I've been washing my damn hands and not touching nasty shit for a lonnnng time.
My feelings are simple: this is a newly discovered virus, no more dangerous than the OG flu. It is killing lots of people because it's new and there is no vaccine. If I imagine what the flu was like when it came onto the scene back in the day, I think it was very much the same. We've survived SARS, H1N1 aka SWINE flu... and by we, I mean Asians lol jk (but for real though, the xenophobia is real). No, but really, the world always seems to survive. So you could say I'm pretty chill about it all. I'm a remote-worker, and I generally hate people. So, I've been self-quarantined for years now! I'm just trying to support others who aren't used to the isolation and social distancing. It can get real lonely. I'm lucky I got a buddy at home, and technology makes it easy to connect with friends near and far.
Last Sunday, my mans and I decided to go for a coronavirus haul. We both feel the same way about the virus. We both work from home and don't like to go out, so our "coronavirus haul" was just regular groceries lol. On our haul, we hit 4 grocery stores within walking distance of our apartment and Ikea. Fucking winning if you ask me. Canned foods, flour, rice, cleaning supplies, pasta, toilet paper, tissue paper, all the paper, bread... all gone. We got our usual groceries, extra meat cause it was on sale and we're not vegan, and the best part: 50% off an anti-fatigue mat for the kitchen. Double winning. What did we get at Ikea? A bedframe, but more importantly, an extra-long shoe horn for $1.49.
More viral than the virus itself, the catalogue of memes that have spawned from coronavirus are the only thing keeping me laughing on the internet these days. This just proves that nothing is off limits when it comes to comedy. That being said, comedy is all about timing -and there is no better time for coronavirus memes than now.